How we became a family.

I have found that lately there have been a lot of new followers to my blog. So I thought that I will go a head and give a total back ground of our life and how adoption has changed EVERYTHING!

About 2 and a half years ago my husband Darin and I lost a pregnancy. It was a pregnancy that came really easily. We only "tried" for about 2 months when we found out that we were expecting! I was over the moon excited. All I had ever wanted and ever dreamed about was being a mommy. I carried the pregnancy for 3 months. We went in for my 12 week check up and we still could not hear a heart beat. The Dr. scheduled a ultra sound and we found out that the baby had stopped developing at about week 3 or 4 but my body kept supporting the fetus as if it were growing. So the Dr. gave us 2 options a D&C or I could wait until the pregnancy ended itself. There was a lot more and it got pretty ugly, but in the end we ended up having a D&C and that ended up being a botched procedure.

We then spent the next 9 months hopelessly trying to get pregnant. I have to say that was honestly the lowest of lows in my life. I obsessed over being "pregnant." ...I would lay awake at night and my mind would wonder and I would think to myself... " OK if I got pregnant this month that would make the baby due in July, if the baby comes in July that will mean he will have a summer birthday and won't get to celebrate it's birthday with it's class mates. .. Eww that would mean I will be pregnant during the hottest months... I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl... I wonder if it will have Darin's eyes or my blond hair, I wonder if it will get my blue eyes or Darin's brown eyes... I wonder if the baby will sleep well, I wonder what we will name it, I wonder what sports it will play, I wonder...I wonder... I wonder...

It went from wondering to being mad!! I was so mad after each month we would realize we were not pregnant!! Then I would lay awake and think ...We did everything right...I checked for when I was ovulating...I did not drink...I did not smoke...(I never smoked anyways :) ) we were healthy... we listened to ALL of the advice that EVERYONE seemed to have on getting pregnant..Why were we not getting pregnant!?!?!?! I was at my absolute wits end. I would lay awake sometimes all night long, crying... tossing thoughts around in my head.... and then cry some more...

Until one night, after about 9 months of all of this, I heard the most clear, God spoken words in my life..."You do not need to get pregnant to be a mother."....

That changed everything!

The amazing thing about that and how I so clearly know that was our Father speaking to me was the plain and simple fact that I was over whelmed with being pregnant!! And when I was at the absolute end and I could take no more and I know in my mind I could of never came up with anything else but being pregnant God spoke into me to adopt.

I woke Darin up and told him what had just happened and then I went and wrote everything down from that amazing night!

I went from being totally consumed with getting pregnant to becoming a mother. And I realized that those two things, pregnancy and being a mother, did not have to go hand in hand. I started praying again and turned all of my worries to God. That Sunday we went to church. Our pastor was preaching on the healing power of God. And all of the hate and anger I had melted away. I was released from my suffering and my focus became outward instead of being absolutely inward!!! God moved a mountain in me!

From then on adoption is all we have known! We signed on with an adoption agency 3 months later we had our referral.... Dollame





and 3 months after that we were FOREVER a family!! August 23rd, 2009.


Claire has been home for a year and a half. She brings so much joy and love into our lives and we praise God everyday for allowing us to be called her mommy and daddy. Present day, January 27th, 2011.




Now we are patiently waiting the home coming of our next two children. Stella and Benjamin, it has been a long hard fight. I have found my faith in God being tested but again and again he has proven His faithfulness by providing a peace that is unimaginable. Sometimes the feelings of all of this failure reminds me of trying to get pregnant. There is nothing I can do to change the out come and so I am reliving some of those emotions. We have had 3 failed court dates and are still waiting to hear when our 4th will be. All we want is to be reunited with our children and have our family whole!

So we are waiting for the next chapter in our lives. We want our children home!! It is unbearable at times... but there is also peace in know that God's plans are bigger and better then we can imagine. So please continue to pray for our family.