Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Full of emotions

Today is a hard day. I was not sure why but then I looked at the calendar and it has been 2 weeks since we found out that we did not pass court. That might be part of it. But I think the hardest part is that is has been 2 weeks since we have seen our Baby Ben and Sweet Stella. I can not put in to words the experiences and emotions that we had over in Ethiopia. People are always asking about the trip and I do not mean to be rude or flat but I just do not know what to say. Some times I feel as if it were a dream. I see the pictures of us with the babies but it is hard to remember being with them. I think it would be easier if we had passed and we would know that our case is moving forward. But we are 7 months into having our referrals and we are at the exact spot we were in June. There is my little rant, my sad side. But on the other side of those feelings there is SO much to be thankful for!!!
We have Claire home and she is more then a blessing!! We still have our referrals! Ben and Stella are healthy and growing beautifully! We do have another court date set for less then 2 weeks. January 13th. (pray we pass) Darin and I have a wonderful strong marriage. We are setting up a not for profit to help African families here and abroad! We have amazing family and friends who are helping support us! And there is also much joy and peace in knowing that God has bigger plans for us and our babies then I could ever dream of! I know there is reason for waiting. But still....( as one of my CCI friends put it) it physically hurts not to have your children in your home, tucking them in, reading bed time stories, kissing them constantly, rocking them, watching them grow, and just being part of their little lives, when it is purely a matter of paperwork.
Please continue to pray for our family as we hold on tight to this roller coaster of a journey to become a family!!
PS I would love if you would leave comments, words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

7 comments:

Meggan said...

Love you Shrock Family!! You know we continue to pray and hope for you all!! You are such a strong person and usually it's you putting my life into perspective...so sweet friend, I don't have anything on ya!! xoxo Love you!!!

Emily said...

My heart breaks to hear how painful it is for you missing your children. I imagined it would be very difficult to leave them, as I’m sure you imagined too. Know you have an army of people on their knees for you praying that Stella and Ben come to your home as quickly as possible. Waiting is one of the hardest things that we have to experience in life, but know your treasure will be so great, and definitely worth the wait. I cannot wait to experience a taste of life in ET and finally meet the two little ones that my heart, as well as your and Darin’s has come to hold so dear. I love you and your family more than you will probably ever realize and will continue to lift you all up in prayer as I know God will pour blessings over this painful process. You, my dear, are incredible.

SleepyMom said...

Will pray for peace in your hearts and a very speedy resolution to the legal process. I know the waiting must be oh so difficult, but these early trying times can give you strength later on when you're having the typical difficulties of parenting little ones. If you can make it through this part, then you can manage anything in the future when you'll at least actually have your babies home with you.

Unknown said...

I am another CCI parent. We are waiting on a referral and the wait is oh so hard. I feel tremendous pain during this wait. I can't imagine what you are feeling. I was told by a friend today that every giant detail and every tiny detail in this adoption process is important to God. God cares about every detail and there is no door that God has opened that Man can shut. Every delay and every step forward, God cares about. I feel like this word is for you too. God care so much about your adoption and those sweet babies and you. I believe and know that while you are away Jesus is the perfect parent to your sweet babies and his spirit is loving them and holding them when you cannot. Sometimes we cannot understand the things God is doing while we are going through struggles but in the end we see his hand at work. When we search for explanations and get so frustrated it helps to remember that God doesn't give explanations, he gives promises. He promises to never forsake us, he promises to be a father to the fatherless, he promises to be our healer, provider and our strength. He hears our soul crying out and his spirit meets us when we are hurting and in need of him.

I hope that you find strength in the Lord during this hard time. I know God is so very please with you. You are walking out in the "pure and perfect religion". You are caring of the orphans and by that he looks down on you and smiles.

From one hurting adoptive mother to another I will pray for the giver of comfort to comfort you and love you during this time of waiting. I cant wait to hear in a couple of weeks that those sweet babies are yours!

Rachel Leigh said...

Hi- I just saw your story on Kelly's Ordinary Hero blog and I am so moved by you guys! I will continue to pray for you and your babies! God Bless

Susan said...

Praying for you, Jolene. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Praying that you have them home soon. We "met" on CCI chat tonight and my heart is hurting for you. Please know that we are praying for things to move quickly and smoothly to bring home you babies.

kgudy said...

Found your story on Ordinary Hero's blog and am praying, praying, praying that you get your babies home soon. They are absolutely precious!