That is the question I am offering up today. I do not have the answer as I am in the thick of the frustration! I love my children and I know that God picked each one of them and put them specifically in our home to be raised as a Shrock. :) My love is unconditional. I am keeping it real and I am at a bit of a low point...
What has been frustrating me?
The constant fighting and bickering between the kids. I am always breaking up fights. I wish I knew how to explain to a 2 year old and 2 one years olds that it is much more fun to be nice to each other!!
One of them is climbing on everything! She does not know boundaries! Nor does she have a fear of heights! I have found her on the kitchen table, on top of our entertainment center, she has pushed chairs up the the counter and been up there more times then I can remember, she will quietly go into the bathroom climb up on the toilet and get into all kinds of things in the bathroom she should not. This will all happen in a matter of a morning. So I am pulling her off of things constantly!
They are into EVERYTHING! Ask anyone who comes to our house, it is as baby proofed as possible, still some how I find myself telling them the N word (NO) almost 100 times a day for touching things they are NOT to touch!! The TV is a hot spot lately as are the DVD's, toilet paper, the outlets, (they have the covers on them but that does not stop them from trying to take them off) my phone, the computer, my camera, diapers and wipes will be pulled out and thrown all over the house...sigh...
The 2 youngest are teething. So they are just plain mean to each other these days. Hitting, screaming, biting, screaming, pinching, taking toys, screaming...did I mention there is a lot of screaming lately?! My oldest likes to egg them on by taking something she knows they love, so they will produce a body chilling, shrill scream that makes me want to go through the roof!
These things sound petty as I am rereading them but when I am with them for up to 12 hour a day and I am breaking up fights and chasing kids for about 10 hours of that one day only to get up the next day and do it again it is emotionally and physically exhausting!
I am questioning myself.
One of them is climbing on everything! She does not know boundaries! Nor does she have a fear of heights! I have found her on the kitchen table, on top of our entertainment center, she has pushed chairs up the the counter and been up there more times then I can remember, she will quietly go into the bathroom climb up on the toilet and get into all kinds of things in the bathroom she should not. This will all happen in a matter of a morning. So I am pulling her off of things constantly!
They are into EVERYTHING! Ask anyone who comes to our house, it is as baby proofed as possible, still some how I find myself telling them the N word (NO) almost 100 times a day for touching things they are NOT to touch!! The TV is a hot spot lately as are the DVD's, toilet paper, the outlets, (they have the covers on them but that does not stop them from trying to take them off) my phone, the computer, my camera, diapers and wipes will be pulled out and thrown all over the house...sigh...
The 2 youngest are teething. So they are just plain mean to each other these days. Hitting, screaming, biting, screaming, pinching, taking toys, screaming...did I mention there is a lot of screaming lately?! My oldest likes to egg them on by taking something she knows they love, so they will produce a body chilling, shrill scream that makes me want to go through the roof!
These things sound petty as I am rereading them but when I am with them for up to 12 hour a day and I am breaking up fights and chasing kids for about 10 hours of that one day only to get up the next day and do it again it is emotionally and physically exhausting!
How do I handle the frustration?
I try to be as calm as possible. I do not want escalate their already frustrated little selves. Most of the time while they are in the heat of a little fight I will remove them and set them in the time out corner. They stand in the corner for 2 minutes. Then in very simple words I tell them what they did that was wrong..."No Screaming"..."No Hitting" but it only take 30 seconds before they are at each others necks or into something again!! It is very draining.
I am questioning myself.
Am I a good parent? Are the ways I am handling these kiddos correct? Why do they keep doing the same naughty things over and over...what am I doing wrong?
I am frustrated that I am frustrated!
I am a women who counts her blessings and know I am blessed by these little ones beyond comprehension. So I am so mad at myself for being FRUSTRATED WITH THEM! I do not like to have frustrated angry feelings, especially at my children! Just because I do not want to have these feelings does not mean that I can stop feeling them.
I desperately need a new fresh perspective on how to parent and find the joy in the chaos!
Ideas and resources welcome!
I desperately need a new fresh perspective on how to parent and find the joy in the chaos!
Ideas and resources welcome!
11 comments:
Holy smokes! I am feeling the exact same way this week! It's an awful feeling. Looking for answers as well...
Thanks so much for posting. I do not feel as alone ;)
I know when things just get too much with my youngest (2 in a few days) I put her in the 'backpack'. Being close to her and soothing her in that way is good for both of us. Usually she falls asleep within 20 minutes but when she doesn't and when she's still terribly frustrated I know I have control... she can't climb or get into anything on my back LOL! If you are interested I suggest an Ergo or Boba. Those carriers really put the weight in your hips and legs instead of your shoulders.
Praying for you mama
That is a great idea Alice! I am going to try wearing Stella she is my one who gets into everything!! And I know it is when she is tired and frustrated. Thank you!
Well... You are not alone. I think you basically wrote my speech to my husband I gave him 2 days ago when I thought he was surely going to institutionalize me. I'm glad we all go through this but it totally sucks. Right now one is sick and crawling and into everything and the other is whiney and territorial. I just have to remind myself to lighten up, separate and distract them! A lot of times I have to remember how young they are and how I sometimes put far too old of expectations on them. But it is very hard. And of course if I'm about to totally lose it or pull my hair out, I send Coop to his room and Brin goes in the playpen... I get some coffee and take a 5 minute break.
Amber, Yes at least once a day they all have "bedroom time" actually that is what is going on right now and why I have 5 minutes to check my blog! HA I am so glad that others feel the same as me that alone brings me hope a peace!
From a behavioral therapist standpoint, try to catch them doing good instead of doing bad...instead of punishing the bad behavior (which you'll have to do sometimes), try to reward the good behavior. So if they are getting along really well (even if it's for those 30 seconds!), praise them big time! That is my 2 cents, but I'm not a mama and I don't know how you do it...you're amazing :) I also know the feeling of being frustrated that you're frustrated...one of the worst feelings ever! Praying for patience, calm, and peace for you!
Thank you Robyn, I feel like I am always sneaking away to pick up, do dishes, or grab a cup of coffee when they are behaving and playing well but as soon as one of them explodes and a fight breaks out I react! So I will be praising more and reacting to the good stuff!! I am so glad I posted this I am getting all kinda of good stuff!
Hi Jolene
Firstly you're doing a great job & you are probably at the toughest point at this stage. I had 4 in 3 3/4 years & it was when the twins were at the toddler stage that I found the hardest. For yourself ~ I'd advise to try your very hardest to spend some time daily with the Lord ~ even if it's only a few minutes I always found that time gave me the strength to get through each day. Keep on loving the children & doing what you're doing & please know that this is just a season ( & looking back it's very short)~ my twins are now 5 & life is so much easier ~ in fact at times I'd say it's almost boring ~ even with home schooling!
Trust in the Lord & know I'm praying for an extra dose of strength for you
Blessings
Renata:)
All I can say is "ditto". Seriously, I think I will just copy your post and put in on mine :)
Lov ya girl, hang in there.....this too shall pass. Right?????
Tracy
Oh Jolene, my little heart breaks for you. I am nowhere close to being a momma, but have spent a decent amount of around kiddos at the daycares I have worked for. I understand what it is to be frustrated with 18 little ones all vying for some sort of attention. But the beauty of that was after 5:00 they weren’t my responsibility anymore. You, my dear, don’t get a break. I cannot comprehend the level of frustration you must get and agree that being frustrated with frustration is overwhelming. So, my pledge to you is after the wedding, I want to be more available to you. If it’s even just a couple of hours a week, I want to offer up that time for you to regain your sanity. Maybe this time with your kiddos will also persuade Jeremiah to want to wait a little longer until we have our own little loves. ;)
The ideas that these other women have shared are fabulous! May I also suggest a high chair when you need separation? If the corner isn’t working anymore, maybe this can serve as a way for them to be safely separated for a period of time when they have been naughty. We often had to put kiddos in the high chair when they were violent or getting into things that they shouldn’t have been. This lets them still observe what’s going on around but not participate and can serve as a little reminder of all of the fun they could be having if they hadn’t acted out. That’s one idea. Again, I’m sure it’s frustrating when childless people, like myself, offer up advice. We don’t know what the stress level is like for chasing around three kiddos. You have great perspective and this time will pass… let just pray it passes quickly!
Love you!
Thank you guys for reading and having compassion on my frustrated heart! I have to say that just writing it down and getting it out of me has alone lifted some of the frustration! Your comments have been inspirational and helpful! Thank you for letting me be frustrated and know that it is OK and not abnormal! I love my readers!
Hey Jolene,
I too am not a mommy... yet. But like Robyn said catch them doing the good, but also try to tell them what they did incorrect first, and then move to time out. You could remind them again at the end of time out, but they may be forgetting why they are in timeout after the 2 minutes.
Praying for you and our family though!! You are such a blessing to so many people and I love reading your blog, along with my mother in law. She is always talking about you and your beautiful family!! Good luck and keep us updated! :)
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